Do celebrities work hard (ha ha) to get famous and then think that they'd be able to live their life like any ordinary person? So many of them complain about receiving too much attention; well, it kinda comes with the job dear, let's call it one of the downfalls of being fucking fabulously wealthy!
And then, as if seeing them on the telly, in the newspapers, and damn near everywhere else isn't enough, they go and write books about their life! Surely they haven't had so much happen to them that they feel they can safely write a fourth biography by the time they're seventeen.
I love biscuits. In all shapes and sizes. In all flavors and varieties. If people were biscuits I'd like them a lot more. But people aren't biscuits. People are bastards, and so in general I hate them. Shooting the general public seems like such a waste, so I have begun on the blueprints for my master plan to turn the population into JAMMY DODGERS!!!
There's nothing like a good bad zombie film. There's one on the TV right now, and it is terrible. The zombies move at a snails pace, yet nobody can get away. As far as I can tell there's a whole cast of about say... fifteen zombies. With three guns in the house and lots of ammo, it seems like a waste of time, energy, and nails, boarding it all up, when you could simply shoot the slow bastards through the head.
Inevitably one of the people in the house is going to be some kind of cowardly deserter who will endanger everybody, so just to be safe you should kill everybody apart from yourself before starting on the zombies.
The guy on the TV will say to stay in the house etc, but the safest place you could possibly get to is the TV station, seeing as everybody there seems to be absolutely fine and non anarchical. The black man will be a strong character who will eventually end up having a fight with the most unstable of the people. Unless the most unstable is not irritating enough to the viewer.
Watching these movies is like watching a pantomime. You constantly want to scream at the TV "HE'S BEHIND YOU!!". But you don't, because that would be silly.
Have you ever noticed how you get GREAT deals on alcohol at Christmas? This should be a good thing, but unfortunately it just encourages you to drink more and forget to buy presents for people. That is usually not a good thing, unless those people are down on the list for being biscuitified.
Have a very drunken Christmas and don't forget to buy presents!!!
Cheers (the place to go where everybody knows your name, national insurance number, and bank details),
Matt.
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